Say Goodbye
by OurBeatingHeartsBleed
Summary: Zuko has a conversation with Katara about their life. Future AU. Zutara. One shot.


Zuko cleared his throat, feeling nervous for no logical reason. He had talked to Katara alone before. This shouldn't be any different. He opened his mouth to start and closed it, a blush rising on his cheeks. He knew she'd say he looked like a gasping fish if he kept it up.

"Hey, Katara." He blurted, kneeling down to eye level. "I just, y'know, wanted to say hi." He cast his eyes around, trying to find something else to look at. "I know you're far from home, and I just thought…" he lapsed into silence again, unsure of what to say. "I just thought it would help to see a friendly face." He gave her a small smile. "Anyway, Aang says he misses you. He says it all the time, actually. Kind of annoying. You know how he is, of course." He offered a small laugh, feeling the blush spread across his cheeks again. "Umm, Sokka and Suki send their love too. And Toph. They're all doing fine. Your father told me to tell you that he's sorry you missed the marriage of Gran Gran and Pakku." He grimaced at the unfamiliar names, never in world thinking that he would have called the old woman by her casual name. She had always been stern with him, looking him up and down with appraising cerulean eyes so like her granddaughter's whenever he stood before her. It was enough to make the young Fire Lord squirm and feel like his sixteen year old self again, still shakily on the side of the Avatar.

"I hope you like it here," he continued quickly, eyes darting to the ground. "I know it's not your home, but it's warmer. A lot. Warmer." He finished lamely. This was stupid, he thought impatiently, he wasn't getting a response. He rocked back on his heels, sitting down on the soft surface to stretch his feet out. "I'm sorry, I'm not much good at this." He sighed, closing his eyes. "I just…I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I feel like…like this is my fault." He glanced up. "I'm sorry. I wanted to be near you, but now I feel I have made a mistake."

He sat in silence for a moment, enjoying the feel of the breeze passing through his long hair. She was so close, but felt so far away. "I love you, Katara." He murmured finally. "I always have. Well, maybe not always." He amended quickly. "You were kind of a pain in the ass. For a long time." He snorted. "The way you kept dodging me, fighting against me. You know, you're one of the only ones who have beaten me. Besides my sister." He smiled softly. "I think it was Ba Sing Se when my feelings changed. When you told me about your mother. The way we talked…" He shook his head. "It really made me think. I know I betrayed you after that, but you understood." He breathed deeply. "You always understand the way my mind works. And when I came to find the Avatar, I really wanted to find you. I couldn't get you out of my head. When you threatened to kill me," He laughed and shook his head. "it only made me respect you more, though it did kind of scare me off you for a while. It's why…why I never told you before." His head dipped, glancing down at the springy green grass below his hands. "Toph knew. She told me that whenever I was around you my heart would skip a beat and speed up. I tried to tell her that you just made me nervous, but she didn't buy it." He ripped several strands of grass from beneath him, opening his hand to allow them to blow from his palm in the breeze. "Do you remember our first night together? By the ocean? It was your brother who suggested I take you there, if you can believe it. " He gave her a shy smile. "I didn't even know where to start with you. I only knew that I wanted to be around you more. The animosity between us…the way we both acted around each…it was driving me crazy. I didn't want it that way. I wanted to know you, the way you always seemed to know exactly what was going on in my head. After we came back, your brother dragged me aside and told me about the beach. He even told me what your favorite flower was. I never found out how he knew you liked me. But when you kissed me under the moon, I kind of figured it out myself." His smile was soft, gentle. "Talking that night was enough. I thought Sokka was going to pop a vein when he found us on the beach, your head on my chest. It felt so nice to wake up beside you, even if he was screaming profanities at me. 'I told you to take her to the beach, not take her innocence!' he told me." Zuko snorted. "Like you would have let me. You made me wait, all those months then years. Until…" he shuddered, half in pleasant memory, half in despair. "our wedding night. Sokka and Toph. I still haven't quite forgiven them for sneaking in that bear. Do you remember?" His face fell slightly at her silence. "You were so beautiful. Your grandmother's dress…your mother's necklace. The one I carved for you is nowhere near as elegant. I'm sorry." He sat up, sitting cross-legged in front of her. "Izumi is doing fine. Two and a half and she's already sparking." He grinned, the thought of their daughter brightening his mood. "I could tell you about her all day. Toph taught her how to throw snowballs and Aang took her penguin sledding. I know you probably think she's too young, but it was fine. I promise." Tears threatened behind his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He wouldn't let her see him like that. "I miss you. I wish you would talk to me, just one more time. Aang thought this would help me cope. He thinks I'm wallowing, that I should move on for my daughter. Remarry so she has a mother figure. But how am I supposed to move on from you?"

The cold stone in front of him was silent, offering him no advice or comfort. Toph had carved it for her, painstakingly carving an elegant flaming swirl, perfectly combining their elements into a new symbol. Their symbol. The one he had carved into a smooth stone for her. She wasn't here, of course, beneath this stone. Their cultures both honored the dead through fire, cremating her remains and scattering them on the wind. This was where he most felt her presence, where he had asked her to marry him and then had the ceremony the following April when the tree above her stone had flowered with soft pink blossoms that rained gently on them as they said their vows.

"My Uncle adores Izumi." He told her, thinking that the subject of their daughter would be less painful to talk about. "He spoils her completely. You would scold him if you were here. Sokka's not much better. She's loved, you don't have to worry about that."

"Zuko?"

He jumped at the voice, turning to see Toph approaching him. If Toph was around, Aang must be too. "What are you doing here?"

"Making sure you're not doing something crazy like trying to crawl under the dirt or something." Toph said, a concerned edge to her sarcastic comment. "You've been out her for a while."

"I thought you were still in the South Pole."

"Izumi missed you." Toph shrugged. "Dunno why. You haven't been any fun since Sugar Queen died."

Zuko's hands clenched, annoyed with the casual way she put it. As if the love of his life had just up and run off on a harebrained scheme. "Toph…" he growled.

"I'm sorry." She interrupted. "It's just…sometimes it's like you feel like you're the only one that can be sad. We're all still hurting, Zuko. But if you let us help you, let us in, it might help."

"I can't." Zuko said, the tears that had threatened earlier making a reappearance. "I…I feel like…"

"Like there's a hole in your world?" Sokka's voice carried over to him, and he looked up to see his wife's brother and sister in law approaching, Zuko's daughter on his hip. She was looking at her father with wide golden eyes, her small hand outstretched towards him. He rose to take her into his arms, immediately sitting back down in front of the stone. Izumi reached out and stroked the smooth surface, chubby fingers lingering on the deeply wrought lines. "Like behind every smile there's a heavy sadness lurking?"

"Yes." Zuko murmured, bouncing his daughter gently. "And the guilt."

"That you weren't able to do anything." Aang said, coming upon the small group, his glider in hand, the small beard he had been cultivating when Zuko saw him last grown into a full strong border along his jaw. "That you couldn't save her. That you were helpless to stop what happened."

"Yes." He whispered, the tears finally falling, drawing straight salty tracks down his hollowed cheeks.

"Nephew," Iroh, the final piece, placed a heavy hand on his shoulder, his voice sad. "she was a wonderful woman, full of life and kindness. She would not want you to wallow your life away in senseless agony. She would want you to live, for both yourself and the beautiful daughter you both brought into the world."

Zuko didn't reply, just clutched Izumi closer to him and tried to stifle the flow of water from his overburdened eyes. She squirmed in his tight grasp until he loosened his hold, allowing her to pull several inches back from him. Her small hand inched forward, tugging at the pendant on its chain around his neck: Katara's necklace, still on its blue ribbon.

"You don't have to forget her." Suki murmured, sinking down to sit beside him. The remnants of the gang and his Uncle followed suit, forming a small congregation before her headstone. "You aren't betraying her by being happy. You have to be a father to Izumi, and a leader for your people."

"I know." He said, raising his head. "I'm sorry. I know I've been selfish, it's just…"

"You lost your soulmate." Iroh intoned, his hand resting heavily on Zuko's shoulder still. "It would make any man feel hollow."

Hollow. The word fit. Zuko felt hollow without Katara. The little girl in his arms took his face between her tiny hands, her little fingers clutching gently at his scar, his lips. "Daddy." She called. "Love you."

"Love you too, baby." Zuko whispered, running soft fingers down her plump cheeks. "Love you."

"Don't be sad, daddy." She whined, poking at the tears. "Time to be happy."

"I will be." Zuko said, looking around. "I have help." With a last glance at the stone he stood, letting his hand rest on the smooth, cool surface to help him up. The rest of them rose with him, and as a group walked back to the palace. A cold breeze abruptly blew through Zuko's long hair, startling him with its shocking frigidity. It reminded him sharply of the South Pole and the long days he had spent there with Katara. He smiled as Izumi giggled at the look on his face. "I love you, Katara."

The breeze seemed to whistle past him again, wrapping around him from booted toes to shoulders _. I love you too, Zuko_ seemed to hang in the air as he walked on, his sorrow not quenched, but dampened through the strength of his friends.

 **ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

 **A.N.: It's been a weird day. Felt in the mood for some tragedy/angst. Don't keel me Q.Q Katara died in childbirth with Izumi.**


End file.
